FW.com Announces Kickstarter for the “Faction Warfare Informational Pamphlet”!

FactionWarfare.com is pleased to announce its Kickstarter campaign for the Faction Warfare Informational Pamphlet! This exciting 2 page, matte print, black and white pamphlet (printed on recycled newspaper) is not only a great keepsake for FW warriors but also packed with useful information about Faction Warfare!

To make sure we kick this effort off in style, we are humbly requesting that the community contribute to this noble project by helping us to reach our fundraising goal of $10,000,000 USD! For a mere $10 million this pamphlet can become a reality.

This project will be a resounding success! And to seal the deal on that fact, we’ve enlisted literary luminary E. L. James of Fifty Shades of Grey fame as the project’s writer! Did you know E. L. James is actually an avid gamer and lover of all things outer space? That’s actually not even a little true. But rest assured we’ve already brought her up to speed on the complex, exciting world of EVE Online to which she replied:

“So it’s virgins, spreadsheets, and spaceships or whatever. I think I got it.”

So without further ado we are pleased to publish an unedited writing sample!

Hello astronauts! It’s time to hop into your X-Wings and shoot your space weapons! This is Faction Warfare where the Gallente (sp?) and Minmatter face off against the Galdari and Amar!

That’s enough of a teaser for now, but we’ll be releasing more snippets in the coming weeks!

Can you think of anything cooler to put on your coffee table than a black and white pamphlet absolutely packed with information you can read in about 2 minutes on the E-Uni wiki page? We didn’t think so. In fact, this pamphlet will probably make your coffee table seem super lame in comparison…

BUT WAIT!

We’ve thought of abso-f#cking-lutely everything… because if we reach our stretch goal of $20 million USD you won’t have to worry about your coffee table looking lame if it’s a god damn NAGALFAR!

nagalfar coffee table
Artist’s Concept Drawing Only. (So don’t be a scrub and immediately shit on the design.)

You’re probably now thinking, “But FW.com, that thing is gigantic and all my ceiling lights will likely be blotted out by the massive awesomeness of this coffee table!”

No worries there either! Because if we reach our ambitious stretch goal of $30 million USD we will also throw in this awesome Archon Lamp!!!

Lightbulb not included.
Lightbulb not included.

[Editor’s Note: At this point we should probably note that for legal reasons we can’t technically call the Nagalfar Coffee Table a “coffee table” because you cannot, in fact, place anything on this piece of furniture. There isn’t more than a centimeter flat surface anywhere on the thing. Also (and again for legal reasons), I should note that the Archon Lamp is a pretty serious tripping hazard and is coated entirely with lead-based paint.]

The epic awesomeness of your living room after this Kickstarter takes off!
The epic awesomeness of your living room after this Kickstarter takes off!

Finally, dear EVE community, our super ambitious but exciting stretch goal reward for all of our contributors should we reach the tidy sum of $50 million USD:

A To-Scale 3D Color Model of a PLEX!!

Note: Cannot be redeemed for actual EVE game time.
Note: Cannot be redeemed for actual EVE game time.

Through exhaustive EVE lore research we’ve determined that a to-scale PLEX is a little bit larger than the size of a standard credit card (or, put another way, this model will not fit into pretty much any commonly available wallets).

After conducting a “soft opening” of the Kickstarter to select members of the community we’ve received tons of feedback! Here are some private messages we’ve received from the EVE community on Reddit!

“FW.com is literally Hitler.”

“I didn’t bother to read any of your shit Kickstarter article since you disagreed with me once in local. In fact, I’m going to make another 10 Reddit accounts because one down vote is not enough when you go public with this shit.”

“This idea is dogshit. Unsub.”

“This is blatant and obvious RMT from a cabal of exceedingly rich megalomaniacs at FW.com. This is a repugnant way to monetize the 22 people that read your website on a semi-monthly basis. If you would take just a minute to step out of your Ferraris and realize that you’re disgusting human beings for a bunch of reasons I can’t be bothered to give, you will see why this idea will fail.”

“This is this THE BEST investment opportunity I have EVER seen. Also, Trump 2016.”

Dear Faction Warfare Editorial Staff,
Please stop emailing us for an endorsement of your Kickstarter campaign. We do not appreciate the implication that you will ‘find a way to give us herpes’ if we do not support you.
Sincerely,
The Crossing Zebras Editorial Staff

Let’s make this project a reality! And remember, if you don’t support this idea…
YOU HATE EVE.

About Raktak Takrak

Editor-in-Chief, PVP Failure, and GalMil Butt Droid. Raktak does his fighting in faction fit Rifters with a PLEX in the hold - just to keep sh*t real.

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3 comments

  1. is this the spin-off of the mitani’s book?

    ha-ha if so 🙂

    don’t forget to include TV advertisment 😉

  2. I’m totally going for it … wait … what ?

    nice April to you FW.com !

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